


And I Shall Sleep in Peace (Until You Come to Me)

by lostinthehaywoods (goneallgammy)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: BioShock!au, Gen, Minor Graphic Images, Other, Rescued Little Sister! Lads, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goneallgammy/pseuds/lostinthehaywoods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were all soundly asleep, somehow all five crammed in a ratty queen sized bed, the lads in the middle with Geoff and Jack practically giving them all the room and almost hanging off the edges of the bed in their sleep. Ryan smiled fondly at the sight, even if he didn't get to be a part of it. Quietly, he went to the supplies and rummaged the camera Geoff had found while scouting that Jack had being using since, and snapped a picture of them. Jack had already made an album for himself, but Ryan wanted something for his own keepsake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Shall Sleep in Peace (Until You Come to Me)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Figures the first thing I write for my AU isn't canon in the AU, but I really wanted to write some sads so here you go. The title is taken from the last line in the song Danny Boy. Shoutout to my beta reader Elizabeth, too!

Ryan felt sick to his stomach.

He could see the reflection of his left shoulder and the deformed skin that had spread further down his back, veins blackening in its wake. Lesions decorated the spots where his skin had lost color in blotches further down his body, and as his eyes ran over himself, the more he felt disgusted.

The others, Geoff and Jack, were sleeping with the Lads curled by their sides in the other room. They had managed to find a ratty old apartment with the door and lock still intact, and they had decided to spend the night there. There was little supply-wise that hadn't been picked clean, but they were already carrying plenty enough so that wasn't a problem. Ryan was grateful for the time alone on first watch, where no one had to see what he was staring at in his reflection. Nobody had to know how bad it was. _Just him_.

Ryan’s body ached, a groan escaping his lips as he slipped on his shirt again. It hurt to move at all now, especially since there had been a lack of ADAM in his system and the withdrawal was driving him mad. It didn't help that his bouts of insomnia were now almost unbearable, and he felt himself getting weaker as the days went on. Images had long started to appear in the corners of his vision, shadows that startled him and had him on edge even when the others assured there was nothing there. It was starting to get to him.

Ryan peeked into the room where the group was sleeping, a habit of his to check in on them every once in a while. They were all soundly asleep, somehow all five crammed in a ratty queen sized bed, the lads in the middle with Geoff and Jack practically giving them all the room and almost hanging off the edges of the bed in their sleep. Ryan smiled fondly at the sight, even if he didn't get to be a part of it. Quietly, he went to the supplies and rummaged the camera Geoff had found while scouting that Jack had being using since, and snapped a picture of them. Jack had already made an album for himself, but Ryan wanted something for his own keepsake.

A quick picture bathed the room in a flash of light for a second with a loud click of the shutter, but the five stayed blissfully asleep- the snores probably covered the noise of the camera and they all sounded too deep in their sleep to be woken up by the momentary flash. Ryan let them be and returned to the other room, putting the camera back where it belonged and set aside the picture for it to develop as he settled onto the couch.

Even if he wasn't on watch, he wasn't going to fall asleep, but he closed his eyes momentarily anyway. His body still ached and craved for more ADAM, but the more he indulged he knew the worse his addiction would get. But that didn't stop his thoughts from deviating to how he’d get his hands on more; maybe scout some more Plasmids, or somehow find one of those sea slugs in the wild, or harvest one from one of the lads-

Ryan froze.

He couldn't stop the vivid pictures accompanying that last idea, despite the fact that the lads had long been rescued and had no ADAM left to give. If he thought he had felt sick to his stomach before, _this_  was a whole other level, and he stumbled to bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach. A cool sheen of sweat formed on his skin, and when he pulled away he wiped his mouth and prayed that he hadn't woken up the others.

There wasn't any way he could deny it to himself. Those graphic imagines in his head proved he was becoming one of those  _things_  he was so afraid of turning into and low in his gut, he had to face that it was too far past the point of return. The physical conditions he could hide- those didn't constantly have to be on his mind. But the hallucinations, the images dancing in his head no matter how hard he tried to get them to go away- he couldn't ignore those. And he knew it was only going to get worse.

He returned to the sofa, his hands shaking more than they should’ve as he picked up the now-developed picture from the table. The faint smile reappeared for only a few moments before a pained sigh left his lips and he tucked away the photo in his vest. If he stayed any longer, he endangered not only Jack and Geoff- more importantly, he endangered the lads, and Ryan couldn't stand the thought of being so lost that he’d hurt them. So, as he went to their supplies, he amended to himself that he wouldn't get the chance to.

Careful to be quiet, he shifted through his bag and only took the necessities: a small first aid kid, an audio diary, some food and water, his EVE, his pistol, and a bottle of vodka.

The alcohol wasn't so much a necessity as the others, and even though he didn't drink, Ryan felt like maybe it would be an appropriate time as any to start. Quietly stowing everything away, he fought the urge to go and check on the others one last time before he went. He knew if he went into that room he’d doubt his resolve, and in the end that would lead to nothing but trouble. Slinging the bag over his shoulder, he found a scrap piece of paper and wrote a rushed apology for them. He just hoped Geoff and Jack would understand.

Ryan left the apartment without a sound, making sure the door was locked behind him. He’d stay out of sight, until they woke up and realized him gone, just to make sure they were safe and made it through the night. He didn't want to be plagued by more horrible " _what-ifs"_  if he could help it. Once he knew they were safe, then he'd be gone. It was for the best.

 

»»««

 

Jack had woken up when Ryan had taken the picture.

Half-asleep, he groggily peered through the dark of the room to see the dim light on Ryan’s figure and the glint of the camera in his hands. Jack made no indication he was awake, hiding a smile because as much as Ryan never showed it, he knew he was secretly very fond of their little rag-tag group. Ever since he took the Splicer hook for Gavin, the lads seemed to realize that as well. Taking a picture of them when he thought no one was awake just proved that to Jack, and so when Ryan left Jack easily fell back asleep, not thinking twice about it.

What he awoke to next was not so peaceful; a litany of curses from Geoff in the other room, and his heart jumped to his throat. The lads were just now waking up as Jack had, startled by the thunderous words that came from the other room. Jack told the boys to stay put in a hushed whisper, heading for the door on his guard. He didn't know what he expected to find, but Geoff pacing the room with one hand pulling at his hair and the other holding what looked like a note wasn't it.

"He fucking left, Jack!" Geoff’s voice cracked a little as he shoved the note towards the younger man, a clear look of distress on his face. Jack’s brow furrowed, and his eyes dropped down to the messy scrawl left on the paper.

” _I’m sorry. I can’t stay any longer. It won’t be long before I become just like one of them. I don’t want to hurt you or the lads if I stay, and I don’t want to have you make a decision on what to do with me when it would get to that point. I’m so sorry. Please get the lads out of this place safely. I’m sorry._ ”

That was all Ryan wrote, his name signed haphazardly like it was done in a hurry. Jack could only imagine what was running through his head when he wrote it.

"He can’t just fucking leave like that, who the fuck does he think he-" "Geoff." The older man snapped his jaw shut. Colorful words weren't going to do a damn thing here. "Calm down. He can’t have gone far. We’ll go and find him and bring him back, and we’ll help him." Jack’s voice was oddly calm, but to him it felt like there was something stuck in his throat- he couldn't believe that Ryan had up and left without even a goodbye.

Geoff nodded, not saying a word, knowing that Jack was always the group’s voice of reason. Jack laid a hand on Geoff's shoulder, and just a wordless look between them and they understood each other. Jack went back to the bedroom, where the lads were still on the bed, cautiously alert but seemingly placated a little when Jack returned- they knew better than to ask what was going on when they could see the poorly-veiled distress on Jack’s face.

 

»»««

 

It took them almost 3 weeks to find Ryan.

"The hotel is coming up, we can try and find somewhere there to set up for the night." Jack told Geoff, adjusting a very sleepy Ray in his arms while the other two lads walked next to him, almost clinging to his legs. They hadn't taken Ryan’s leaving very well, Michael throwing an explosive fit and Gavin wouldn't stop crying until he just eventually passed out when they found out he was gone, and often broke out into tears if Ryan was so much as mentioned. Ray seemed to fare better, but if anything he just became quiet again. It was harder to travel without Ryan too, taking care of the 3 lads and the supplies between just Geoff and Jack was a lot of work, but they made due.

The hotel was some run down place like everywhere else, once rather ritzy but now nothing more than an empty, ransacked shell of building like the rest. They had mapped out their travels for a few weeks now and where they’d stop to rest, and the opportunity to camp somewhere with beds was always a welcome opportunity- so the hotel naturally became a stop on their way. There wouldn't be much supplies, of course, they didn't doubt the place was picked clean of anything useful. But they had at least enough to stay for maybe a day or two before they moved on.

Geoff had his shotgun raised as they stepped through the shattered front doors of the hotel, an eerie silence coming over them as they moved forward with baited breaths. Luckily, it seemed the alarms had been disabled, and there wasn't any signs of inherent trouble. It appeared that was already dealt with, judging by the dead Splicers scattered about the lobby as they walked towards the stairs.

They almost walked right past it, but then Michael tugged on Jack’s pant leg and pointed at a rather crisp piece of paper taped to the wall beside the staircase. Jack stepped back and tore it off the wall.

It read, “ _Geoff, Jack - Room Geoff’s Birthday_ ”. It was a clever way to tell the two exactly what room Ryan was in without giving it away to anybody else. Jack and Geoff shared a hopeful smile, realizing Ryan had been anticipating them. Maybe they could convince him to come back now.

They made their way up the flights of stairs, carrying the lads because they couldn't make it past the first 2. The hotel was a big place, and the closer and closer they got to the room number, the more anxious they felt. They didn't get a chance to say it, but they  _needed_  Ryan. Not just because he was useful, but because he was their friend and the lads relied on him too.

Nothing outside of the room itself indicated that it was the right place, just the numbers ‘ _619_ ' on the door, but when Geoff tried the door it opened without any trouble. The room was more or less a penthouse, and when they stepped in they were greeted with the nearest table being decorated with supplies and other gathered goods, with a note saying it was for them. An uneasy tension filled the air, and Jack sent the lads to sit on the couch as Geoff picked up the audio diary the note was left on. They shared an apprehensive glance before Geoff played it.

” _I hope these supplies will do you well, Geoff and Jack. I trust you've kept the lads safe. I’m sorry that I had to leave, I… I know you two were weary, and you had every right to be. The ADAM sickness is taking a hold of me and I’m too afraid to find out what might happen. The symptoms have been getting worse; the lesions, vitiligo, insomnia, insanity…_ " Ryan stressed the last word as if he was pained to say it. " _I thought if I hid it well enough that I wouldn't have to face it, but I started having these… images in my head of me hurting the lads, just for ADAM they don’t have._ ”

” _I’m so sorry that I've abandoned you and the lads. I never wanted to hurt any of you. Please, get them out of this hell, they don’t deserve any more than what they've already had to go through. And tell the lads what you will about what happened to me. If it’s easier for them, make them hate me if it hurts them less. I just want them to have a chance for a normal life, and I know you two are the best people that I can entrust for that to happen. At least you’ll raise them to be fine young men. I wish I could be there to see it._ " There was a pregnant pause in the recording.

” _I… suppose I’ve been talking for too long. I’m so sorry for everything, and… please don’t go into the bedroom. I’d like you to remember me while I was alive._ ”

The audio diary clicked, and the recording stopped there.

Neither Jack nor Geoff moved for a good minute. The lads’ noises of entertaining themselves snapped them out of their stupor, and the two gents didn't say a word but gave each other a knowing, pained look.

Jack went to the lads, sitting on the couch with them and letting them bounce on the cushions around him, distracting them so they were blissfully oblivious to Geoff going into the bedroom. Geoff knew that Jack didn't want to see what laid beyond that door.

And when Geoff saw Ryan, he wish he hadn't either.

Ryan was lying, motionless, on the bed. There was a clean hole straight through his temple, and his blue eyes stared at the ceiling, unfocused and glassy. His pistol was in his hand in a loose grip, touching the missing bottle of vodka that had disappeared when he had. Geoff felt a little sicker to his stomach to realize Ryan reeked of alcohol.

Geoff wanted to turn away and leave. He wanted to go back in time and take Ryan’s advice to not come into the bedroom because it didn't feel real- it  _couldn't_  be real. Seeing it was proof he didn't want. But, he had to see what Ryan had been hiding from them, see for himself if it was worth all of this.

Just tugging the collar of Ryan’s shirt down some was enough evidence for Geoff to know Ryan’s words about his ADAM sickness were true. Geoff wasn't sure how he had done it, but he hadn't been sick, but the longer he stayed the more he was sure he would be. He made to leave, but he stopped when he noticed something in Ryan’s other hand. Geoff hesitated before carefully taking it from Ryan’s grasp.

It was a photograph, of the night before Ryan disappeared, with the five of them all sleeping in that dingy apartment bed. It was the only thing other than the gun that Ryan had on him, and Geoff felt like there was a lump in his throat. He flipped it over, smudged black writing catching his eye.

” _Closest thing to a family I was lucky to have._ ”

Geoff felt his eyes water, but he wasn't able to fight a semblance of a smile. “I always knew you were a sappy bastard, Haywood.” He said under his breath, anything else he had to say dying on his tongue as he took in Ryan lying there in front of him. It was like a hit in the gut, and Geoff couldn't stand seeing the lifelessness in the eyes of someone he considered one of his best friends. With a shaky hand, he closed Ryan’s eyes and thought, momentarily, that he looked a little more peaceful.

Geoff went for the door, before pausing, realizing he had the picture still in hand. It was one of Ryan’s last possessions and he felt the nagging feeling he couldn't take it away from him. Without thinking twice, he found a pen on the bedside table and flipped the photo over, adding his own writing to the back. After Geoff felt he was done, he looked at the picture and then Ryan, one last time before he placed the photograph back in Ryan’s hand and left the room.

In the end, it was all he could do.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! It's my first fic in a very long time so I'd love to hear what you think~


End file.
